My name is Mia Smith.
No, not my real name. My pseudonym, actually.
I decided to start this blog to help me get through a bad moment.
See, the thing is, I have been diagnosed with a depression. It's been a couple of months now and I do feel better, but some days, some particular days, are quite hard to sail through.
I am taking my meds, I am listening to my counsellor. But I am still struggling. It doesn't come easy, happiness. I guess you must work hard for it, you must be persistent.
I have always been a nervous person. Anxious, an over-thinker, some would say. My mind is always processing hundreds of thoughts at the same time and I overanalyze everything that is said and done. I dwell on the past and plan too much the future. I fantasize and inherently believe that things will turn out the exact way that I want them to. Except that, sometimes, they don't and I don't seem to be able to accept it and let it go.
Don't take me wrong, I have always been extremely lucky and I am so grateful for everything I have. My parents gave me everything I needed and more, I am successful in what I do and, although still in my early(-ish) twenties, I am starting to build the career I have dreamed of.
But it doesn't seem to be enough.
I am a nice person (although a bit spoiled and stubborn and moody at times), I go out of my way to make others happy, I'm not bad looking, I'm fit and I am smart. However, I am not complete. I am not able to build long-lasting, healthy relationships with others and I am emotionally quite strange. I have short lasting obcessions and I get extremely unhappy and insecure about numerous things. I struggle to secure an amorous relationship, I have one or two old friends. Also, my biggest mistake is to expect from others exactly what I am willing to give. Maybe this is pretentious. Maybe it is utopic. But the fact is: it does not bring you happiness. No-one will give you exactly what you are expecting. Especially if you dream as big as I do.
In addition to this, I have always depended on others too much to make decisions. My aforementioned insecurity made me quite needy of love, tenderness, attention and help. I am yet to become comfortable with being an adult that needs to take care of herself (despite the fact that I have been living on my own for over 5 years).
Apparently, mindfulness is something that, according to my psychologist, could help my case. We shall talk about that in the future as I have yet to delve on it deeply enough to be able to convey any sort of opinion.
Following that thought, I will also try to learn and write about some Buddhist and spiritual concepts (nothing too religious, I swear, just purely academic and conceptual) that I have briefly come across and that maybe can help me feel better about who I am, and deal with my daily obstacles in a better manner.
My over-analyzer ways also mean that I am very attached to scientific research and peer-reviewed publications. Meaning that I will (almost) always try to base the concepts and techniques I will use to become happier in actual science.
Finally, I most certainly will talk hobbies and funny/cute puppy videos (sorry cat lovers, I am a dog person). Keeping your mind entertained with something you like and smiling about silly things improves your mood and health (yep, it is scientifically proven).
This being said, although my aim is to get better and feel well about who I am (and actually learn who I am...), I hope this blog helps other women (and men) that are going through similar problems.
Any suggestions are welcome as well as criticisms and any sort of comments.
I really hope you join me in this journey. And I hope it helps me grow in a significant way, towards a happier, healthier mind.